| (Journal Prompt: List 10 things that arouse a fond memory of the past.) One of the biggest things that brings memories to my mind is music. There are many songs that will instantly take me back in time. *"I'll Be" by Edwin McCain. Our song. My first dance song. When I hear it, I remember the first time that Lee told me, "I love you" *"Free" by Zac Brown Band. Jake's "best song". When I hear this song, I think of my Jake singing. I will always remember this as his first "best song". *AC/DC music. High School. Angela Boitnott. Cruising Williamson Road. Carefree fun days. *"Dirty Dancing" movie soundtrack. High School. Angela Tolley. Sitting on top of the motor home. Stalking the neighbor boy. Silly string. *"Take Me Home Country Roads" by John Denvar. When I hear this song, I think of my grandparents, Freda/Clemmer Smith. I remember singing this in their living room. It is also recorded on tape. :) *"Kryptonite" by 3 Doors Down. My sis. Paula Layman. Two boys we were babysitting. Driving down Main St., Salem. Singing at the tops of our lungs. Fun times. (Cayman) *"Brown-Eyed Girl" by Van Morrison. When I hear this song, I think of my baby girl, Julz. She is my brown-eyed girl. My beautiful, Julz. *(incomplete at this time....too tired to think of other songs right now.) |
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Take Me Home Country Roads
Opposites Attract
Simple vs. Not simple
Good enough vs. Not good enough
Outside vs. Inside
Plain vs. Fancy
Real tree vs. Artificial tree
Truck vs. Car
Needs vs. Wants
Early bird vs. Night Owl
Good enough vs. Not good enough
Outside vs. Inside
Plain vs. Fancy
Real tree vs. Artificial tree
Truck vs. Car
Needs vs. Wants
Early bird vs. Night Owl
Glitter
(Journal Prompt: Are you a matte person or a shiny person? why?)
I am definitely a "shiny" person. "Matte" is dull. I don't want to be dull. I love to be a little different from everyone else. Not in a wild outlandish way, but just small ways. A special piece of jewelry. Glitter on my nails. A fun color eyeshadow. Funky hair. Shimmer on my skin. A fancy pen. A pink notepad. A fun font. Funky socks. Tattoos. Piercings.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
What's in a name? JAF
I have a coworker who is really into genealogy and recently we were talking about how the old german families had reasons for why they named their children certain names. Such as the first born son was named after a certain family member, etc. It got me to thinking about how these days people choose names for so many different reasons, not because it's always been done a certain way and this child has to be named after his maternal great, great grandfather.
When I was younger I had some names picked out for when I had children. Mostly names that I just "liked". Nothing really special about them. Well, I take that back, there was a boy name that I had picked out that was the name of my grandfather's brother that died at a young age. And the name from a Titanic movie character. Then there was a middle name I had thought of using that belonged to a child I loved very much from a past relationship (I was kind of like her stepmom).
When I became pregnant the first time we had discussed many different options. I wanted to somehow connect my children to my stepson. At first we had talked about using his middle name "Austin", but he didn't like the idea of us using his name. So then I had thought of doing a rhyming name. He is Joey, so Chloe or Zoey would have been cute girl names. But, no other boy names really rhymed with Joey. So we had to come up with a plan for if the baby was a boy. So that is when I thought of using the same initials. So then we had to narrow down all the choices for boy names that start with "J". I also wanted it to be four letters like Joey (even though his name is really "Joseph", he goes by "Joey" and has always been "Joey" to me.) So we finally decided on "Jake Alexander". Next time we got pregnant we found out that we were having a girl. We had a really hard time agreeing on a name for her. Lee was on board with the JAF initials, but we weren't agreeing on the name. Since we already had "Jo--" and "Ja--", I wanted to use either "Je--", "Ji--" or "Ju--". Lee really liked "Jena" (pronounced Jenna), but I was afraid people wouldn't say it right. I also wanted my baby girl to have a special, unusual name. I liked the name Jewel, and one day came across the spelling "Julz" online and really liked it. Lee had to really be talked into it, though he loves it now. So Lee got to pick the middle name....so many great "A" names for girls. So we ended up with "Julz Alaina". If we ever have anymore kids....which I seriously doubt....if it was a girl, Lee would get his "Jena" and if it was a boy I'd pick "Jett".
When I was younger I had some names picked out for when I had children. Mostly names that I just "liked". Nothing really special about them. Well, I take that back, there was a boy name that I had picked out that was the name of my grandfather's brother that died at a young age. And the name from a Titanic movie character. Then there was a middle name I had thought of using that belonged to a child I loved very much from a past relationship (I was kind of like her stepmom).
When I became pregnant the first time we had discussed many different options. I wanted to somehow connect my children to my stepson. At first we had talked about using his middle name "Austin", but he didn't like the idea of us using his name. So then I had thought of doing a rhyming name. He is Joey, so Chloe or Zoey would have been cute girl names. But, no other boy names really rhymed with Joey. So we had to come up with a plan for if the baby was a boy. So that is when I thought of using the same initials. So then we had to narrow down all the choices for boy names that start with "J". I also wanted it to be four letters like Joey (even though his name is really "Joseph", he goes by "Joey" and has always been "Joey" to me.) So we finally decided on "Jake Alexander". Next time we got pregnant we found out that we were having a girl. We had a really hard time agreeing on a name for her. Lee was on board with the JAF initials, but we weren't agreeing on the name. Since we already had "Jo--" and "Ja--", I wanted to use either "Je--", "Ji--" or "Ju--". Lee really liked "Jena" (pronounced Jenna), but I was afraid people wouldn't say it right. I also wanted my baby girl to have a special, unusual name. I liked the name Jewel, and one day came across the spelling "Julz" online and really liked it. Lee had to really be talked into it, though he loves it now. So Lee got to pick the middle name....so many great "A" names for girls. So we ended up with "Julz Alaina". If we ever have anymore kids....which I seriously doubt....if it was a girl, Lee would get his "Jena" and if it was a boy I'd pick "Jett".
Love and Hate?
Can you love someone and at that same time hate them? can you love them for always, but hate behaviors and things they say and do?
Comments please.
Comments please.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
What not to do with your pumpkin....
So we got our pumpkins, the kids picked just the right ones....not the ones I would have picked, lol. Anyway, we opened them, scooped out the mess....yummy roasted seeds (my fav part).
Then we put them on the dining room table on my fav placemats. And then they sat and sat and sat for one week....then tonight I decided to move them.....omg, naaassstttyyyy....they were all soft and moldy and had leaked nastiness onto my beautiful placemats....ick! Note to self: next year when you get pumpkins you should actually carve them and then put them outside!
Then we put them on the dining room table on my fav placemats. And then they sat and sat and sat for one week....then tonight I decided to move them.....omg, naaassstttyyyy....they were all soft and moldy and had leaked nastiness onto my beautiful placemats....ick! Note to self: next year when you get pumpkins you should actually carve them and then put them outside!
Friday, September 17, 2010
More Holes in My Head
The history of my piercings:
When I was 11 years old, I was permitted to finally get my ears pierced. I don't remember much about the event. I believe it was a trip to the mall and sitting at a jewelry counter in a big department store. (2 holes)
When I was a little older I wanted to get my second holes done, but my Mom said, "no". So, one weekend when I was at my Dad's, I think I was around 14 years old, I decided my friend and I would pierce my ears. So there I sat in my Dad's tiny little bathroom with ice cubes on my ears. Angela was supposed to shove the needle through my ear, but needle in hand against my ear....she chickened out. (!!!) I really wanted this piercing, so determined as I was, I tried it myself....I couldn't get the needle through my ear, so in my young wisdom I ended up with a large diaper pin.....(ouch)....but it worked! even though it was a large pin that did the piercing, I couldn't get the stud earring in, only a fish hook type. Needless to say, I only did one, that was enough pain inflicted on me, by myself. (+1=3 holes) (And I remember that night we went dancing at a place in Roanoke for teens called Club 19 and after dancing all night that earring hanging out of the new piercing....ouch!)
At times that I don't recall over the years, I ended up getting the second hole done on the other side. And then my third holes. (+3=6) These occurred sometime by my mid-20's.
When I was 28, I quit smoking (a 14 year habit). After six months of no cigarettes, I gifted myself with a cartlidge piercing. I went to a tattoo shop to have this one done, after doing much research and learning that it was safer to have the piercing done with a needle opposed to a piercing gun. (+1=7)
After gaining about 30 lbs over the five years after I quit smoking, I joined WW and lost it. So six months later I gifted myself with a navel piercing. That one was pretty painful! Technically it's two holes, but only considered one piercing. (+1=8)
After attending a customer appreciation day at the tattoo parlor, I was called and informed I'd won $100 of piercings! oh wow! what to pierce? after much consideration and internet research, plus permission from my boss for one of them, I made my decisions. So on September 3rd, 2010, I went in and had my nostril, tragus and lobes pierced. The nostril hurt the most. The tragus wasn't nearly as bad as I though it would be, just a lot of pressure. And my lobes now have four on each side. (+4=12)
So....am I done yet? maybe....maybe not!
When I was 11 years old, I was permitted to finally get my ears pierced. I don't remember much about the event. I believe it was a trip to the mall and sitting at a jewelry counter in a big department store. (2 holes)
When I was a little older I wanted to get my second holes done, but my Mom said, "no". So, one weekend when I was at my Dad's, I think I was around 14 years old, I decided my friend and I would pierce my ears. So there I sat in my Dad's tiny little bathroom with ice cubes on my ears. Angela was supposed to shove the needle through my ear, but needle in hand against my ear....she chickened out. (!!!) I really wanted this piercing, so determined as I was, I tried it myself....I couldn't get the needle through my ear, so in my young wisdom I ended up with a large diaper pin.....(ouch)....but it worked! even though it was a large pin that did the piercing, I couldn't get the stud earring in, only a fish hook type. Needless to say, I only did one, that was enough pain inflicted on me, by myself. (+1=3 holes) (And I remember that night we went dancing at a place in Roanoke for teens called Club 19 and after dancing all night that earring hanging out of the new piercing....ouch!)
At times that I don't recall over the years, I ended up getting the second hole done on the other side. And then my third holes. (+3=6) These occurred sometime by my mid-20's.
When I was 28, I quit smoking (a 14 year habit). After six months of no cigarettes, I gifted myself with a cartlidge piercing. I went to a tattoo shop to have this one done, after doing much research and learning that it was safer to have the piercing done with a needle opposed to a piercing gun. (+1=7)
After gaining about 30 lbs over the five years after I quit smoking, I joined WW and lost it. So six months later I gifted myself with a navel piercing. That one was pretty painful! Technically it's two holes, but only considered one piercing. (+1=8)
After attending a customer appreciation day at the tattoo parlor, I was called and informed I'd won $100 of piercings! oh wow! what to pierce? after much consideration and internet research, plus permission from my boss for one of them, I made my decisions. So on September 3rd, 2010, I went in and had my nostril, tragus and lobes pierced. The nostril hurt the most. The tragus wasn't nearly as bad as I though it would be, just a lot of pressure. And my lobes now have four on each side. (+4=12)
 |
| (I don't really like this pic of me) The nostril piercing hurt more than the others! |
The tragus didn't hurt as bad as I anticipated.
These pics were right after I got the four new ones.
So....am I done yet? maybe....maybe not!
Why doesn't she just leave?
Sometimes you might wonder why women stay with men that treat them badly. I know a long time ago, I would wonder that as well. I still sometimes have a hard time understanding it. But, when you live it, you begin to understand.
As an 18 yr old, I began a three year relationship with a guy who was 6 yrs older than me. When I met him, I thought he was so handsome. It was so cool to be dating an "older boy". He was a lot of fun, we would always have somewhere to go and hang out with his friends. He liked to drink, but this wasn't a big deal to me. He was older, so I figured he just liked to have a little fun and party, plus it was cool because he could buy it for me as well! I had a pretty early curfew, so I don't think I had the full picture of how much he drank. One thing that should have been a big clue....he had two dui's against him so he couldn't drive. I don't know why this didn't matter to me at the time. I guess I just liked him so much I overlooked it.
My parents disliked him. So I defended him. Finally I ended up moving in with him. And then it was too late to turn back. I had pushed away my family. I really didn't know what I was getting into. Three years of arguing, him drinking all the time, me driving him to and from his numerous jobs, gaining a "step"daughter and trying to protect her from what was going on around her , living in roach infested apartments, having a gun pointed at my head, (I love you baby, it won't happen again), sleeping on people's couches, being pushed around (I didn't mean to do it, I'm sorry, I love you), losing friends because they didn't understand why I stayed, being drug off the bed and held up on the wall (I love you, please don't leave me), making a few new friends, having the police called on us by neighbors out of concern (shhhhh! don't move, be quiet, don't open the door), starting my two years of classes at National Business College, sleeping in a tent for two weeks, living in different hotel rooms every night for two months, having him sent away for help when he threatened suicide (I promise I'll change, I won't drink anymore, I love you), becoming a stronger person, being punched in the face......calling the police....finally, finally, finally leaving. I had finally had enough.
Do I regret this relationship? No. I learned a lot. Made friends that I still have. Mostly I learned what I needed in a relationship and in live. And what I could live with and without. I learned to not judge people by what they have and don't have. (I grew up pretty sheltered and spoiled). I grew. I became a better person.
Why doesn't she leave? probably because she is afraid for one. But, also, because she thinks he truly loves her and that he will change. She sees small changes and hopes for bigger changes. She becomes part of his family and loves them. She probably has lost friends and family along the way. And is afraid if she leaves she will have no one and that he may retaliate against her for leaving. I was lucky, we didn't have any children together. If we would have, it would have been much harder to leave. I was so afraid of losing touch with my "stepdaughter", but I'm lucky to say we are still in contact and she is 22 years old now. Life moves on. We grow up and become smarter and stronger (hopefully).
As an 18 yr old, I began a three year relationship with a guy who was 6 yrs older than me. When I met him, I thought he was so handsome. It was so cool to be dating an "older boy". He was a lot of fun, we would always have somewhere to go and hang out with his friends. He liked to drink, but this wasn't a big deal to me. He was older, so I figured he just liked to have a little fun and party, plus it was cool because he could buy it for me as well! I had a pretty early curfew, so I don't think I had the full picture of how much he drank. One thing that should have been a big clue....he had two dui's against him so he couldn't drive. I don't know why this didn't matter to me at the time. I guess I just liked him so much I overlooked it.
My parents disliked him. So I defended him. Finally I ended up moving in with him. And then it was too late to turn back. I had pushed away my family. I really didn't know what I was getting into. Three years of arguing, him drinking all the time, me driving him to and from his numerous jobs, gaining a "step"daughter and trying to protect her from what was going on around her , living in roach infested apartments, having a gun pointed at my head, (I love you baby, it won't happen again), sleeping on people's couches, being pushed around (I didn't mean to do it, I'm sorry, I love you), losing friends because they didn't understand why I stayed, being drug off the bed and held up on the wall (I love you, please don't leave me), making a few new friends, having the police called on us by neighbors out of concern (shhhhh! don't move, be quiet, don't open the door), starting my two years of classes at National Business College, sleeping in a tent for two weeks, living in different hotel rooms every night for two months, having him sent away for help when he threatened suicide (I promise I'll change, I won't drink anymore, I love you), becoming a stronger person, being punched in the face......calling the police....finally, finally, finally leaving. I had finally had enough.
Do I regret this relationship? No. I learned a lot. Made friends that I still have. Mostly I learned what I needed in a relationship and in live. And what I could live with and without. I learned to not judge people by what they have and don't have. (I grew up pretty sheltered and spoiled). I grew. I became a better person.
Why doesn't she leave? probably because she is afraid for one. But, also, because she thinks he truly loves her and that he will change. She sees small changes and hopes for bigger changes. She becomes part of his family and loves them. She probably has lost friends and family along the way. And is afraid if she leaves she will have no one and that he may retaliate against her for leaving. I was lucky, we didn't have any children together. If we would have, it would have been much harder to leave. I was so afraid of losing touch with my "stepdaughter", but I'm lucky to say we are still in contact and she is 22 years old now. Life moves on. We grow up and become smarter and stronger (hopefully).
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Chapters
If my life was a book, these might be the chapters:
Childhood: growing up with divorced parents
Teen years: growing up and away from family rules
After HS/Tony: rebellion and learning many lessons
Young Adult/Scott: growing up and settling down
Adult/Lee: moving on and finding "the One"
StepMom/Mom: taking care of my young ones
Childhood: growing up with divorced parents
Teen years: growing up and away from family rules
After HS/Tony: rebellion and learning many lessons
Young Adult/Scott: growing up and settling down
Adult/Lee: moving on and finding "the One"
StepMom/Mom: taking care of my young ones
Monday, September 6, 2010
to clean or not to clean.....
When you walk in the door you see newspapers, a pile of clothes, a stack of books, an item that shouldn't be there, a toy here, a toy there, a crumb, a smudge....comfy furniture, flowing curtains, beautiful walls, family photos. This is my home, from room to room.....it is much the same.
Why? there are lots of reasons...excuses....laziness is a huge part of it. Having little people in the house has really made it worse. I like things, books, clothes, etc. But, generally I don't acquire too many personal items. But, when you have children they are always getting things....birthdays, Christmas, other holidays, etc.
I don't like my home to look like this. I like to have visitors....but when it's like this....not so much. I know my husband hates it. I always have good intentions....I was off all summer...but it is still not any better. Now that I'm back to work, it will be harder.
Lee is afraid our home will be like the show Hoarders...lol....I don't think it will ever be that extreme!
Maybe one day it will be better. My baby girl likes to put things away and organize...maybe she will motivate me. Hopefully something will motivate me. I'm really motivated a few times a year when we have birthday party's and Christmas celebrations.
Maybe, I just need to plan for a get together every couple of weeks, maybe that would work!
Why? there are lots of reasons...excuses....laziness is a huge part of it. Having little people in the house has really made it worse. I like things, books, clothes, etc. But, generally I don't acquire too many personal items. But, when you have children they are always getting things....birthdays, Christmas, other holidays, etc.
I don't like my home to look like this. I like to have visitors....but when it's like this....not so much. I know my husband hates it. I always have good intentions....I was off all summer...but it is still not any better. Now that I'm back to work, it will be harder.
Lee is afraid our home will be like the show Hoarders...lol....I don't think it will ever be that extreme!
Maybe one day it will be better. My baby girl likes to put things away and organize...maybe she will motivate me. Hopefully something will motivate me. I'm really motivated a few times a year when we have birthday party's and Christmas celebrations.
Maybe, I just need to plan for a get together every couple of weeks, maybe that would work!
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